Today I want to share with you the talk I gave at the Breakfast & Work MeetUp Event organised by InnoIT in video along with a written summary for my TLDR; followers.
Even though it’s in spanish I hope you like it!
Summary
Three Key Questions
What do we want?
What do I really want?
It’s important to realise that is not always easy to know what is it we want out of a situation. The obvious answers are: more money, the best for the other person, and so on. That’s actually bullshit. What you really want goes beyond that, answers like: to be understood, show of power and gain status are more like it.
What does the other part want?
Same goes for the other part as well, look in how they talk, sometimes is even more important that what they actually say. An example of this is when somebody raises his voice is not to make a point but to be listened.
What am I willing to give up on?
One of the most difficult parts of being in a difficult situation is that you want something out of that situation and you’re not getting it. In order for you to get what you want you need to know what are you willing to give up on, which in most cases is that your truth is the only truth.
Where are we positioned?
Which system am I in this situation?
Also very important to know where are you talking from.
- Am I talking to a family member?
- Am I talking as a company?
- Am I talking to a friend?
- …
Who am I in this system?
You can talk to the same person as a friend or as a manager and it’s important to know where are you talking from.
Who is the other part?
The same is important for the other part, a common problem here is when you talk as a manager to a friend.
How is this going to affect the system?
When we resolve this situation, how is the rest of the system going to be affected.
Example: As a manager I will fire a team member because the rest of the team will be better off without him.
Negotiate
Negotiation is the skill that will potentially make a conflict something worthwhile, so learn how to negotiate.
Filter Question
Answer this question: How do I feel this situation is going to resolve?
Wether the answer is good or bad, you’re right.
So if you think it’s not going to go well, don’t step into the situation, keep learning more about the conflict instead.
Alfons Foubert 